Ducks Poo in Avon River. Lion Eats Swans.

Ducks Poo in Avon River. Lion Eats Swans.

The Press reported today that “Dogs and ducks biggest causes of faecal contamination of Avon”.

Well thank God for that. It would suck if the biggest cause of faecal contamination in the Christchurch Avon was Saturday night drunks.

Christchurch Avon River Ducks

Christchurch Avon River Ducks

The report says:

(ECan’s Director of Investigations and Monitoring) Taylor said the public would have to decide if it wanted to reduce contamination by controlling duck numbers.

“Do you want to do that in the interests of having water you can swim in, or do we say we actually like the wildfowl around the river and we’ll accept that there’ll be a reasonable level of faecal contamination in the water?”

I wonder what he means by controlling duck numbers? Hunters roaming the streets with rifles? A Poison Bread Throwing day? Maybe we could invite the ducks to a committee and suggest Auckland as an alternative place for them to live?

Lion Reading the Christchurch Press

Lion Reading the Christchurch Press

What are lions doing in this article?

Well, here’s an option I picked up from my time working at Chester Zoo in England: Lions. One day at the zoo, I noticed an usually large crowd by the lion enclosure. I wandered over and realised the lions were busy “playing” with a couple of swans that had landed in the wrong place. An excitable lady grabbed my arm and insisted I go into the enclosure to rescue the swans. Er ….. no. Thanks. Help yourself though.

So yes, that’s my answer to the duck-poo-in-the-river problem. Release the lions.

Incidentally, how come there’s no comment option on articles featuring on www.stuff.co.nz? Perhaps they’re worried that people like me will comment.